Advent

Sorry for the lack of posts everyone. I’m trying to figure my life out.

This song is wonderful, and has been a huge comfort to me. Happy Advent and Christmas!

Psalm 40

I waited patiently for the LORD;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the LORD.
Blessed is the man who makes
the LORD his trust,
who does not turn to the proud,
to those who go astray after a lie!
You have multiplied, O LORD my God,
your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;
none can compare with you!
I will proclaim and tell of them,
yet they are more than can be told.
In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted,
but you have given me an open ear.
Burnt offering and sin offering
you have not required.
Then I said, “Behold, I have come;
in the scroll of the book it is written of me:
I delight to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart.”
I have told the glad news of deliverance
in the great congregation;
behold, I have not restrained my lips,
as you know, O LORD.
I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;
I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;
I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness
from the great congregation.
As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain
your mercy from me;
your steadfast love and your faithfulness will
ever preserve me!
For evils have encompassed me
beyond number;
my iniquities have overtaken me,
and I cannot see;
they are more than the hairs of my head;
my heart fails me.
Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me!
O LORD, make haste to help me!
Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether
who seek to snatch away my life;
let those be turned back and brought to dishonor
who delight in my hurt!
Let those be appalled because of their shame
who say to me, “Aha, Aha!”
But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation
say continually, “Great is the LORD!”
As for me, I am poor and needy,
but the Lord takes thought for me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
do not delay, O my God!
(Psalm 40 ESV)

 

The Scars of the Savior

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. -Khalil Gibran

I’ve thought a lot about suffering this quarter, primarily because I have seen a lot of suffering in the last few months. Over the summer, I felt so much pain as I got to know this wonderful homeless woman when I was at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church. Knowing her and loving her, however, was one of the greatest things I’ve ever had the opportunity to do. And coming back I saw suffering all around me, and I even felt a fair amount of it with things going on in my life.

In the last two weeks that suffering actually became real. Everything before was like a treat compared to what I’ve been feeling the last few days. I’ve never felt like this before, never cried so hard, never lost more sleep, never wanted freedom from anything quite like this. And I’ve had to make some very hard decisions, have some very hard conversations, and make some drastic changes in order to get myself in a position where I believe I might be able to heal.

But what I’ve seen more than anything is that I have never believed that the Gospel is my only hope more than I do now. I’ve never relied on the grace of God like I have had to this last week. I’ve never prayed harder, repented more, or genuinely cried out to God like I have recently. And the incredible thing—as if I should be surprised—is that God showed up. He’s showed Himself to me more in the last few days than He ever has. And my heart has only felt peaceful when I would sit and repeat aloud all the promises of God. And I’ve experienced the reality that His promises alone will satisfy and remain steadfast. All else fades away; all else is shifting sand.

And so I’m sitting in my room right now just smiling because I see how this has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. As the searing pain of loss has crushed my heart, my knowledge, and my hope, I’ve seen that the true hope that I can never lose has been here all along and that I have not relied on Him as I should have been.

God’s love has been so expanded in my mind. His mercy for me is so great. His faithfulness is the greatest treasure of my life. I knew it intellectually before, but now I have had no other option than to rush into His presence with weeping and tears, begging Him to come and make real all the things I know but had not yet truly experienced. And what a sweet lesson to learn.

I see so much more clearly now that the agony our Lord experienced in His life—becoming the Man of sorrows—is one of the most important redemptive acts of His life. We so often locate our redemption only in the Cross, but there is so much more that Christ experienced that was redemptive. He felt all the pain of loss—betrayal, heartbreak, abandonment, physical torture, emotional anguish—and He invites us into His presence as a God who truly understands all that we go through. He’s been there. He’s seen it. He’s felt it. He’s wept. He’s felt the same crushing hopelessness that we sometimes experience. Yet, He led a sinless life that always relied on God throughout all of the struggle. And for these reasons He can atone for our sin and offer true solace when we are in pain.

It’s amazing to have a God who bears the scars of His own suffering. He does not stand aloof, unable to relate. No, He gave Himself to all the worst of the things that happen in life so that He might give grace and mercy to us when we experience it as well.

And I wouldn’t presume to say that the fact that suffering has taught me much is in itself a relief for the pain that I have been feeling. Quite the contrary, the pain has been greater than I could describe. I have learned, but the pain is still real and it may last for quite some time. But knowing that God is with me gives me more hope than I’ve ever had. And that is the greatest truth. I’m never alone. He will never leave. His unconditional grace and mercy will be with me whether I recognize it in moments of pain or not. He will be Himself for me all the days of my life, and that is good news worth telling the world.

…my soul is bereft of peace;
I have forgotten what happiness is;
so I say, “My endurance has perished;
so has my hope from the LORD.”
My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone in silence
when it is laid on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust—
there may yet be hope;
let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
and let him be filled with insults.
For the Lord will not
cast off forever,
but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
for he does not afflict from his heart
or grieve the children of men.
(Lamentations 3:17-18, 20-33 ESV)

 

Matt Chandler on our Salvation

The Dark Night Rises

As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you…
Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God, my rock:
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?”
As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
(Psalm 42)

It’s been an interesting time being back in California after my internship this summer. My life in the weeks following my internship was a whirlwind. I finished work at 5pm on Thursday, came home, finished packing, went to sleep, and was on a plane at 9am the following morning. After three flights, I landed in Sacramento and arrived finally at home at 6:30pm that evening. The following day I took my dad to the hospital (we were concerned he may have had a complication with a surgery; fortunately, it was no big deal and they fixed him right up), and was there all day. After that I had three more days at home to pack and then moved back to school the next Wednesday. I had Campus Ministry training Thursday and Friday, and school started again on Monday. Week one was insane: I have way too much to do.

So, while I found myself leaving Ft. Lauderdale excited to return home to friends and family and my final year of school, 7 days into the school year I feel quite the opposite. My excitement has been sapped, my joy gone, and my determination utterly missing. Worse yet, I don’t feel sad. I would welcome an emotional breakdown because that would at least mean that I was feeling something. On the contrary, I feel more numb than alive. Overwhelmed, to be sure, but devoid of feeling at the same time.

It’s made me wonder about a lot of things. Am I actually saved? Do I know God at all? How can someone who claims to love Jesus have no desire to read their Bible, pray, or do anything that would actually help me get closer to Him? Am I going to fall away? Did I believe to begin with? Has God finally abandoned me to myself (a frightening possibility)? What does it even mean to believe? Is knowing the truth the same as believing? Can I believe something is factually true and yet not actually believe it? Where the heck is the grace everyone seems to talk about all the time? Does no one else ever feel this way? How can I escape all the plastic people around me? When will it end? Does it even matter? Who am I really? Is this just the end to a very long charade that I wasn’t aware of?

But I’m not the only one in this place (though I wish I were; I don’t wish this on anyone). I have gotten close to a dear friend and they feel like they are in the exact same boat. But even with company, the boat feels pretty lonely. And confusion abounds. How is this possible for people who have walked with the Lord for years and want nothing more than for everyone to experience the goodness of the Gospel? How can this happen to people who really do believe Jesus is exactly who He says He is and came back to life?

Sometimes I have answers on this blog (hopefully biblical ones), but this time I’m fresh out. I’ve got nothing. Totally out of words, thoughts, and feelings. I’m just kinda here, and I don’t much like where I’m sitting. I’m never one with a lack of emotion—if anything I’m usually too enthusiastic for my own good. And that’s why I’m not sure what to do because this is a maze I’ve never had to walk through before.

I read an interesting quote today from the book The Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross (16th century Spanish Catholic Mystic). I’m sure hoping that he’s right—I’ve got no hope if he isn’t:

Therefore, O soul, when you see your desire obscured, your affections arid and constrained, and your faculties bereft of their capacity for any interior exercise, be not afflicted by this, but rather consider it a great happiness, since God is freeing you from yourself and taking the matter from your hands. For with those hands, howsoever well they may serve you, you would never labour so effectively, so perfectly and so securely (because of their clumsiness and uncleanness) as now, when God takes your hand and guides you in the darkness, as though you were blind, to an end and by a way which you know not.

What I will go to my grave telling people is this: our salvation doesn’t depend on our ability to save ourselves, produce positive results, or obey enough, but on God’s steadfast love and unrelenting desire and will to save those who He has known from before the foundation of the world. Our salvation is not a variable, but utterly secured by all the power of the Living God who draws us unto Himself and promises to never let us go, whether we run for a time or not.

It’s encouraging to read this quote and wonder if perhaps when I prayed for God to rid me of myself, He is now actively doing that by stripping me from everything I knew, thought I knew, wanted to believe, wanted to happen, wanted to feel, and all the things I comfort myself with and make myself feel secure. So now, though I stand on what feels like shifting sand, perhaps God is currently at work in making my foundation truly strong? Maybe He has caused the darkness to surround me so that my own eyes will be of no use to me. Only in this place, where I know there is nothing trustworthy in myself, will I have no choice but to trust that He has me right where He wants me, and He works for my good in the end.

My only hope is that God won’t abandon me to myself and let me fall deeper into the darkness that I know still rests in the recesses of my heart. My only hope is that He is actually guiding me along a path that leads to Him and not off a cliff. I don’t feel secure, but perhaps I’m not supposed to. I don’t feel safe, but maybe that’s okay.

Praying that this would end..

Now to Him who is able to keep me

 

Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.
(Luke 15:21)

When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.
(Psalm 73:21-22)

“O LORD, be gracious to me;
heal me, for I have sinned against you!”
(Psalm 41:4)

O LORD, rebuke me not in your anger,
nor discipline me in your wrath.
Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am languishing;
heal me, O LORD, for my bones are troubled.
My soul also is greatly troubled.
But you, O LORD—how long?
(Psalm 6:1-3)

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
(Psalm 73:23-26)

As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
(Psalm 42:1-2)

In you, O LORD, do I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
in your righteousness deliver me!
Incline your ear to me;
rescue me speedily!
Be a rock of refuge for me,
a strong fortress to save me!
For you are my rock and my fortress;
and for your name’s sake you lead me and guide me;
for you are my refuge.
Into your hand I commit my spirit;
you have redeemed me, O LORD, faithful God.
(Psalm 31:1-5)

My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let my foot be moved;
he who keeps me will not slumber.
The LORD is my keeper;
the LORD is my shade on my right hand.
The sun shall not strike me by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep me from all evil;
he will keep my life.
The LORD will keep
my going out and my coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.
(Psalm 121:2-8)

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Romans 8:31-35, 37-39)

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
(Romans 8:28-30)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.
(Ephesians 1:3-14)

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
(Philippians 4:4-8)

And now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.
(Jude 1:24-25)

No news is bad news for those who are in Christ. God, in His wisdom, perfectly guides our lives on the path He ordained for us to walk before the foundation of the world. He did this so that we might be conformed to the image of His Son and that His Son would be the firstborn of many brothers—receiving the highest honor in all creation. Nothing can stop this. Nothing can get in the way. Nothing is an accident, and no pain is apart from God’s explicit will. His grace is limitless. His love is beyond compare. In Him we have sure hope and unwavering love. The sand may crumble around us, but He is our solid ground when all else fails. And nothing can separate us from the love we have in Christ Jesus our Lord. No news is bad news for us.

 

Where does my help come from?

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The LORD will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.
(Psalm 121)

God’s ultimate purposes in our suffering

I’m reading this pretty incredible book by a theologian named Robert Reymond. Right now I’m reading a chapter called The Eternal Decree of God. This chapter is dealing with the issues surrounding God’s absolute control and sovereignty over everything that has ever happened. To quote the Westminster Confession:

God, from all eternity, did by most wise and holy counsel of His own will, freely, and unchangeably ordain whatsoever comes to pass: yet so, as thereby neither God is the author of sin, nor is violence offered to the will of the creatures; nor is the liberty or contingency of second causes taken away, but rather established.

Although God knows whatsoever may or can come to pass upon all supposed conditions, yet hath He not decreed anything because He foresaw it as future, or as that which would come to pass upon such conditions (WCF III:i-ii)

That’s basically a wordy (thorough?) way of saying that God ordained everything that was ever going to happen in such away that He is not the author of sin, nor is the freedom of His creatures destroyed, nor is the contingency (ie. freedom within the midst of difference circumstances) of secondary influences taken away—rather, God’s decree positively orders all things in such away that everything that comes to pass, including the acts of men in response to the ordering of God, are the will of God.

And now that I think about it, I’m not entirely sure if my explanation actually made that more understandable. These are fairly difficult things to explain.

The chapter culminates with a discussion of the authors understanding of a biblical theodicy (the vindication of Divine goodness and providence with reference to the reality of sin, suffering, and evil). It’s here that I wanted to quote at length from the chapter because I thought it was remarkable:

I would suggest the following as the only possible direction in which to look for a biblical and thus defensible theodicy: [God regarded the ultimate end which he decreed to come to pass as] great enough and glorious enough that it justified to himself both the divine plan itself and the ordained incidental evil arising along the foreordained path to his plan’s great and glorious end. But is there, indeed, can there be, such an end? Yes, indeed there is such an end. Paul can declare: “I consider that our present sufferings [which are ordained of God; the reader is referred to 2 Cor. 11:23-33 and 12:7-10 for a sampling of Paul's sufferings] are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us”; and again: “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (Rom. 8:18; 2 Cor. 4:17; 1 Cor. 2:7). And what is that anticipated and destined end for us? It is this: Someday the elect will be conformed to the image of Christ—our highest good according to Romans 8:28-29. But out conformity to Christ’s likeness is not the “be all and end all” of God’s eternal purpose. We have not penetrated God’s purpose sufficiently if we conclude that we are the center of God’s purpose or that his purpose terminates finally upon us by accomplishing our glorification. Rather, our glorification is only the means to a higher, indeed, the highest end conceivable—”that God’s Son (N.B.: not Adam) might be the Firstborn [that is, might occupy the place of highest honor] among many brothers” (Rom. 8:29), and all to the praise of God’s glorious grace (Eph. 1:6, 10, 12, 14; 2:7).

The point of mentioning Adam in the above sentence is this: from the comparison which Paul draws between Adam and Christ in Romans 5:12-19 as representative of two covenant arrangements, it is necessary to insist that had Adam successfully passed his probation in the garden, he would have been confirmed in holiness, passing from the state of being able to sin (posse peccare) to a state of not being able to sin (non posse peccare), and all his descendants would have received by legal imputation [Adam's] righteousness. But then his descendants—you and I—learning of the outcome of his test, would have needed gratefully to look to Adam, still living among us, as our “Savior” from sin and death and as “our righteousness.” God would then have been required to eternally share his glory with the creature, and his own beloved Son would have been denied the mediatorial role which led to his messianic lordship over men and to his Father’s glory which followed (see Phil. 2:6-11). Accordingly, God decreed to “permit [the fall], having purposes to order it to his own glory” (WCF, VI:i).

And the quote continues. What I wanted to draw everyone’s attention to is something that hadn’t really dawned on me as clearly as it did when I read this: If Adam never fell, Jesus would be utterly unnecessary for us to innocently stand before God. If sin and suffering were not allowed (ordained) by God to come to pass, we would not need to look to God for any true need because we, on account of Adam’s performance, would not be in need of anything regarding our position before God. We would be righteous in and of ourselves, having received righteousness from the works of our human father rather than from God Himself. To a degree, God would occupy a much less important place in our minds, and Christ would never be needed as our Savior.

But, by ordaining the fall and subsequently working all things for the good of those God intended to save, God is glorified in both our salvation and in the judgment of sinners who reject Him. His immeasurable grace is made clear by the saving work of Christ on the cross, and we must look to Him for mercy because we are incapable of saving ourselves. We must truly rely upon God for all things, for in Him we live and move and have our being. We are not sufficient in ourselves, but must constantly look to the sustaining grace of a holy and beautiful Creator God who condescends to us, initiating relationship in spite of our own undeserving state.

The Fall was good for us, as horrible as it has been. The Fall brings greater good than the alternatives. We find ourselves truly in love with a God who saved us because He loves unconditionally and wants to show us grace and mercy. He is glorified by a people who turn from sin in response to His grace and glorify Him in everything we are. He receives the glory and we receive Him, all because of grace.

God is the Gospel

Incredible message! Lord let this truly sink in. Let us seek after you, and nothing else. Let us be satisfied in you, and nothing else.

Preparation and success with a Sovereign God

 

I was talking with my friend Kaitlyn, who was an intern with me at Coral Ridge, about what I think is coming in the next year at school. I was telling her about things I am excited about, things I’m worried about, what I’m hopeful for, and what I’m scared about. It was a good talk, and she brought up a verse that I hadn’t thought of in a really long time: “The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the LORD” (Prov. 21:31). She told me that it sounds like I’ve done all I possibly could in preparation for the things that are coming, but that I must realize at the end of the day that the Lord’s will is going to be done.

This is both an encouraging and frightening prospect. On one hand it means that the Lord can bring about success and advancement even in the most dire circumstances. On the other hand, God’s sovereignty means that His will, if contrary to our own plans for our future, will lead us away from whatever it is we hope for no matter what preparation we may have made.

Either way it’s actually a good thing for us because we have a God who promises to work all things for the good of those who love Him (Rom. 8:28). He doesn’t let anything happen that he doesn’t want to have happen. And while that means we may not get what we want or believe is good, we always get ultimate good.

And, on the other hand, does not the Lord give our hearts and minds the urgings to seek out the things that He wants for us? Does He not transform us and change our desires to match His? In this sense, if the thing we are looking towards is consistent with God’s character and purpose for us, that thing may very well be the will of God. Not always, but it could be a good indicator.

All we can do is prepare for what we believe is God’s will and submit everything to Him, trusting that He will not abandon us. He will accomplish His will in our lives. And He loves us and wants good for us. He is delighted in His people who He has saved and called by name. That is an incredible reality.