Category Archives: Life Issues

Suffering Honors Thesis questionnaire

Hello O lovely readers!

I am working on an honors thesis to fulfill the honors requirements for the university I attend. I have chosen to do my thesis on the topic of suffering and God’s relationship to us while we suffer. I created a questionnaire that includes 9 short answer questions and 1 multiple choice question. If you would be willing to answer the questions, that could be a significant help to me as I consider how I might consider this topic!

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/5RLMTNG

Thank you so much! I hope that all of you who are Americans enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving. For those of you who are not Americans, I hope that you have a particularly good Nov. 22nd, whether you have anything to celebrate or not! =)

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The Scars of the Savior

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. -Khalil Gibran

I’ve thought a lot about suffering this quarter, primarily because I have seen a lot of suffering in the last few months. Over the summer, I felt so much pain as I got to know this wonderful homeless woman when I was at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church. Knowing her and loving her, however, was one of the greatest things I’ve ever had the opportunity to do. And coming back I saw suffering all around me, and I even felt a fair amount of it with things going on in my life.

In the last two weeks that suffering actually became real. Everything before was like a treat compared to what I’ve been feeling the last few days. I’ve never felt like this before, never cried so hard, never lost more sleep, never wanted freedom from anything quite like this. And I’ve had to make some very hard decisions, have some very hard conversations, and make some drastic changes in order to get myself in a position where I believe I might be able to heal.

But what I’ve seen more than anything is that I have never believed that the Gospel is my only hope more than I do now. I’ve never relied on the grace of God like I have had to this last week. I’ve never prayed harder, repented more, or genuinely cried out to God like I have recently. And the incredible thing—as if I should be surprised—is that God showed up. He’s showed Himself to me more in the last few days than He ever has. And my heart has only felt peaceful when I would sit and repeat aloud all the promises of God. And I’ve experienced the reality that His promises alone will satisfy and remain steadfast. All else fades away; all else is shifting sand.

And so I’m sitting in my room right now just smiling because I see how this has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. As the searing pain of loss has crushed my heart, my knowledge, and my hope, I’ve seen that the true hope that I can never lose has been here all along and that I have not relied on Him as I should have been.

God’s love has been so expanded in my mind. His mercy for me is so great. His faithfulness is the greatest treasure of my life. I knew it intellectually before, but now I have had no other option than to rush into His presence with weeping and tears, begging Him to come and make real all the things I know but had not yet truly experienced. And what a sweet lesson to learn.

I see so much more clearly now that the agony our Lord experienced in His life—becoming the Man of sorrows—is one of the most important redemptive acts of His life. We so often locate our redemption only in the Cross, but there is so much more that Christ experienced that was redemptive. He felt all the pain of loss—betrayal, heartbreak, abandonment, physical torture, emotional anguish—and He invites us into His presence as a God who truly understands all that we go through. He’s been there. He’s seen it. He’s felt it. He’s wept. He’s felt the same crushing hopelessness that we sometimes experience. Yet, He led a sinless life that always relied on God throughout all of the struggle. And for these reasons He can atone for our sin and offer true solace when we are in pain.

It’s amazing to have a God who bears the scars of His own suffering. He does not stand aloof, unable to relate. No, He gave Himself to all the worst of the things that happen in life so that He might give grace and mercy to us when we experience it as well.

And I wouldn’t presume to say that the fact that suffering has taught me much is in itself a relief for the pain that I have been feeling. Quite the contrary, the pain has been greater than I could describe. I have learned, but the pain is still real and it may last for quite some time. But knowing that God is with me gives me more hope than I’ve ever had. And that is the greatest truth. I’m never alone. He will never leave. His unconditional grace and mercy will be with me whether I recognize it in moments of pain or not. He will be Himself for me all the days of my life, and that is good news worth telling the world.

…my soul is bereft of peace;
I have forgotten what happiness is;
so I say, “My endurance has perished;
so has my hope from the LORD.”
My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”
The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone in silence
when it is laid on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust—
there may yet be hope;
let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
and let him be filled with insults.
For the Lord will not
cast off forever,
but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
for he does not afflict from his heart
or grieve the children of men.
(Lamentations 3:17-18, 20-33 ESV)

 

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The Lord the Giver of Life

Where do I even begin? I don’t even know how to explain what’s happening in me.

This has been such a difficult quarter. I haven’t felt as much emotional turmoil at any other point in my life. I’ve felt utterly overcome by pain, fear, grief, and anguish—just feeling genuinely hopeless. And I don’t feel like that’s an exaggeration. It got more rough the last few days. Last night a friend of mine found me sitting in the parking lot of Locatelli (an activity center on my campus), sitting curled up in a ball, sobbing uncontrollably.

About an hour ago I sent a text to all the interns who worked with me at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church this summer asking them to pray for me because my heart has been feeling so broken. I said that I knew God is good, but I really need Him to intervene. I need His presence. I need His love. I need His mercy. I need His grace. I’ve got nothing without Him. I know that so much now. There’s nothing else that matters.

And I started playing a song by Chris Tomlin:

And I sat there with earphones in, closed my eyes, and just listened. And all of a sudden I felt a rush of the most incredible joy I’ve ever felt. I began to cry and laugh at the same time—here it is: the peace that transcends understanding that is promised to guard my heart and mind in Christ. This is what everyone’s been talking about all these years. All the sermons I’ve heard, all the promises in Scripture, all the things I’ve always heard and told others—this is it! And the weeping and sadness, the knot in my stomach, was expelled by the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit who had chosen to tangibly manifest in my body, which has become His temple. And nothing else mattered.

The Nicene Creed says, “We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the Giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son…” We believe in a God who is overwhelmingly good, unquestionably mercy, lovingly steadfast, above all things, working all things lovingly for those who know Him. We believe in the Resurrected God, the defeater of death, the vanquisher of suffering, the destroyed of all the devil’s works. We believe in the Creator God, He who made all things by speaking and the power of His word currently sustains all things. Without His active intervention in this world, all things would cease to exist. He alone is self-existent. He alone is uncreated.

And this God—this steadfast, merciful, resurrected Lord—breathes life into His people, shattering the chains of sin, death, and suffering. He calls us out of ourselves and into new life. He’s the Lord, the Giver of life. And He showed Himself to me tonight. He reminded me of all that I know is true, yet so often forget—the pursuits of this world cannot give the life I need, the idols of this world offer empty promises. None but the Lord of life can bring us to life and satisfy our deepest needs. None but the God who gave His life as a sacrifice for you and me can truly bring life out of the death and darkness.

There is no God but Him. There is none like Him. The manmade gods of this world are no gods at all. Only slavery rests in their dominion. He alone has the power to rescue us.

I felt my Savior save me again from myself tonight. And I await the pain to settle in again. He doesn’t promise to keep it at bay. Pain and suffering is the universal experience of all people and all times because of sin. I do not expect Him to protect me from the consequences or hurts that so often comes to us.

But He promises to be Himself for us while we suffer. He gives us of Himself when all else fails.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:26).

My flesh is weak, my heart a deceiver. I cannot sustain myself, but the Lord promises to be the strength of our hearts and to be with us.

And last night when I couldn’t sleep, I just repeated to myself all the truths about God that I know. I meditated on His promises and felt my heart get lighter until I finally fell asleep. I leave you now with what I had to remind myself of. Never forget Who you worship—the Lord, the Giver of life. These things I call to mind and, therefore, I have hope:

“The Lord is my Rock and my Redeemer; He is my sword and my shield; the Lord does not afflict men from His heart; Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life because God is with me; The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want; He makes me lie down in green pastures; He maintains me for His name’s sake; He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose; His mercies are renewed every morning; His steadfast love never ceases; He brings about all things in accordance with the perfect counsel of His will; He will never leave me nor forsake; The Lord is my comfort; Restore in me, O Lord, the joy of my salvation; I have none but You; All of this life is like grass that withers; You, O Lord, never change…

Glory be to the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.”

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Christians, Let’s Honor The President

This is a phenomenal article about the duty of Christians to honor elected officials by Russell Moore. Check out his blog here.

Christians, Let’s Honor the President

The American people have decided that Barack Obama should have a second term. And, behind them, in the mystery of providence, God has decided that Barack Obama would be re-elected. So how should Christians respond to our once and future President?

Many of us have some disagreements with the President. As a conservative Christian, I believe unborn children have certain inalienable rights, including the right to life, and I wish President Obama would work to protect them. I believe freedom of conscience is the preeminent right in a civil society, and the Administration’s incursions on religious liberty are troubling. I don’t plan to back down one bit on these matters, even as our forefathers Isaac Backus and John Leland relentlessly stood up to the founding generation of leaders on behalf of religious freedom and human dignity.

We are going to disagree with the President on some (important) things; there will be other areas where we can work with the President. But whether in agreement or disagreement, we can honor. Honor doesn’t mean blanket endorsement.

I am always amazed by those Christians who will dispute the command to honor, arguing that “kings” in our system are the people, and therefore we’re called to honor the Constitution but not elected officials. But the Scripture doesn’t command honor simply for the ultimate authority (which is, of course, ultimately God, in any case). Humanly speaking, the ultimate political authority in the New Testament context was the Emperor. And yet, the Apostle Peter specifically calls the people of Christ not only to show submission to the emperor “as supreme” but also to “governors” (1 Pet. 2:13-14). The Apostle Paul calls on the churches to pray and to show thanksgiving for “kings” (plural) and for “all who are in high positions” (1 Tim. 2:1-2).

Paul imitated this when he showed due respect to the governor Felix, referring to him with the honorific title “his Excellency, the governor” (Acts 23:26) and “most excellent Felix” (Acts 24:2), even as he appealed his way up through the political process of the Roman Empire of his time. Paul showed thanksgiving for Felix, despite his part in a system with which Paul disagreed at some important points, for his “reforms” for the common good (24:3).

Behind that is a more general command to “honor everyone” (1 Pet. 2:17), to pray for “all people” (1 Tim. 2:1). We are to not only pay our taxes but give “respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed” (Rom. 13:7).

Christians, above all people, should pray for and show respect for our President and all of our elected officials. After all, unlike those who see politics as ultimate, we recognize that our political structures are important, but temporal, before an inbreaking kingdom of Christ. We don’t then need to be fomented into the kind of faux outrage that passes for much of contemporary political discourse. And, unlike those who see history as impersonal or capricious, we see behind everything a God who is sovereign over his universe.

So let’s pray for President Obama. Let’s not give ourselves to terms of disrespect, or every crazy conspiracy theory that floats across the Internet.

That doesn’t mean slavish obedience. In a democratic republic, the President and the Congress govern by the consent of the governed. We appeal to our elected officials, and lobby them for the common good, expressing disagreement when we must. But we do this, as Paul does before Felix and Agrippa, with respect and honor, even as he seeks to persuade them of the need for religious liberty and as he preaches “righteousness and self-control and the coming judgment” (Acts 24:25).

However we voted in the election, let’s pray for God to bless our President. We can pray for him to be granted wisdom and health. We can pray that God would prosper his good ideas, and change his mind on his bad ideas. Moreover, we can teach our children to respect our President, starting with referring to him as “President Obama” or “Our President,” not as “Obama” or “the guy our parents voted against” or what have you.

There’s a time to vote. There’s a time to campaign. And there’s a time to petition. But, through it all, let’s be the people who, even as we speak with conviction, are marked by kindness and respect. When we have to differ with President Obama, let’s do that, with backbone. But let’s make sure we do all this with honor, with respect, with prayer, and, most of all, with love.

Let’s render unto Caesar, as free people with natural rights. Because we know as believers that we will eternally say “Jesus is Lord,” we can as citizens temporally say, “Hail to the chief.”

Source: http://www.russellmoore.com/2012/11/07/christians-lets-honor-the-president/

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We’re all blasphemers

This was a pretty incredible article by Greg Lukianoff over at the Huffington Post about recent terrorist actions and violence in the Middle East encouraged by a Youtube video that condemned Islam. He makes some phenomenal points. Take a gander.

We Are All Blasphemers: A Response to Eric Posner

by Greg Lukianoff

Everyone is a blasphemer to someone.

I know it doesn’t feel like it. I know it’s hard for modern Americans to imagine going to jail (or worse) because of what you believe in your heart, but every single person reading this has a belief that in some part of the world or at some point in history could’ve gotten you arrested, beheaded, or burned at the stake.

Are you a Protestant? That was a burning offense.

Catholic? More of a beheading/hanging one.

Jewish? You get the idea.

And, of course, there are people like me, atheists, who are still considered heretics and (when we talk) blasphemers the world over. You can engage in blasphemy even without talking about religion. American political liberals–those of us who, for example, believe that same-sex couples have a right to get married–are considered blasphemers even by some in our own country.

But thankfully, we are incredibly lucky to live in a time and a place where we have largely decided that disagreements about faith (or lack of it) shouldn’t get you in trouble with the law.

The reason why we as Americans can’t legally be punished for our faith or for our beliefs is that our country was founded by people who sought to avoid the horrors of the religious wars that plagued Europe in the 16th and 17th centuries. The United States was founded with a brilliant and, frankly, quite radical set of ground rules for how to organize society. Included within these ground rules was the crucial right to speak freely. But arguably as critical as free speech were the rules actually mentioned first in the First Amendment: freedom of religion and freedom from state-mandated or defined religious beliefs.

These provisions allowed for religious pluralism, scientific and scholarly innovation, and prosperity unlike the world had ever seen before. But lately, it seems as though we’ve gotten so used to our First Amendment rights as a country that we take them for granted and forget the deadly serious reasons why we decided that these freedoms should serve as the building blocks for our society in the first place.

Ironically, the institutions most likely to take free speech and/or other basic rights for granted in the United States are the institutions most reliant on free and open debate: our colleges and universities.

As I have reported for years in the Huffington Post and as I discuss at length in my forthcoming bookUnlearning Liberty: Campus Censorship and the End of American Debate, I have seen students on college campuses get in trouble for the mildest imaginable expression. In other cases, students suffer for their politically relevant, but locally unpopular, speech.

So it was no surprise to me that when the trailer for “Innocence of Muslims” debuted on YouTube and Islamic militants all over the globe began using it as an excuse to attack American embassies and kill our diplomats, the first prominent people to rise up and say “see, I told you we were wrong about free speech” were college professors.

First, there was professor Anthea Butler of the University of Pennsylvania who wrote an op-ed in USA Today arguing that Sam Bacile (the video’s purported maker) should be thrown in jail.

Then, this week, similar criticism came from a much more serious source: University of Chicago law professor Eric Posner.

Posner, son of famous jurist Richard Posner of the United States Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit,wrote in Slate that Americans foolishly overvalue free speech and that the violence committed because of the video should cause us to reconsider our free speech radicalism.

For those of us who work in First Amendment law, Posner relies on pretty tired arguments that I plan to address piece by piece in upcoming posts. But before I get too entangled in the details of what was so wrong about Professor Posner had to say, it’s important to take a step back and realize why punishing a citizen for offending a religion is so dangerous.

Click here to continue reading…

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Dating tips for Christian guys

Great pastoral tips for guys when it comes to pursuing a woman in our lives.

5 Notes on Dating for the Guys

by Brandon Andersen

I work in church operations, which I means spend an inordinate amount of time with young, single volunteers, many of whom are recent converts. When I first started, it quickly became clear that most young Christians have no idea what Christian dating looks like practically. Here are some insights to help Christian men date in a way that honors God.

1. A DEFINITION OF INTENTIONAL

“Intentional” is one of those words that sounds right, but no one really knows what if means. So I would like to clear that up. Here is my working definition for intentional and how it relates to how a Christian man should pursue a woman.

The intentional man repeatedly and constantly goes first and takes on all of the risk of rejection. He always lets the girl know where he stands so she feels secure and isn’t left guessing. (On the other hand, don’t weird her out by talking about marriage on the first date.)

Approaching her initially:

  • Intentional: “I’d like to take you out on a date.”
  • Unintentional: “Wanna hang out sometime? My roommates are all gone this weekend.”

Paying the bill:

  • Intentional: “I’ve got it.”
  • Unintentional: “Can you cover half the bill? I’m pretty broke right now.” (My wife believes this communicates, “You are worth about $20, but not quite $40.”)

Following up after a date:

  • Intentional: “I had a great time tonight, and would definitely want to do this again. I will give you a call this week.”
  • Unintentional: “I’ll call you sometime.”

Bringing other people in:

  • Intentional: “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. Would you like to have dinner with my Community Group leader and his wife?” (This is a way to honor her by pursuing outside accountability from a godly couple.)
  • Unintentional: “I don’t know if you really wanna meet my friends yet . . .” I.e. “I don’t really want you to meet my friends yet,” and as Chris Rock says, “If you have not met his friends, you are not his girlfriend.” (In this case, there’s a disingenuousness where he’s not being fully open with his whole life with the woman and is cordonning off the relationship from other areas of his life and people who know him. This is a guy who’s only selfishly protecting himself and shielding himself from any accountability and consequences, and he cannot be trusted as the protector of someone else.)

Things are going well:

  • Intentional: “I think you are a godly, beautiful woman, and I have great time with you. I would like to pursue a relationship with you.”
  • Unintentional: “Soooooo, what do you think about us?” Or, “I am not sure where I stand. What about you?”

Things look like they could go well for a long time:

  • Intentional: “I don’t date for the sake of dating, and marriage is a long ways away, but I couldn’t be happier with how things are going. I think you’re amazing.”
  • Unintentional: “Things are going OK I guess, we’ll see.”

Recognizing the end of the relationship:

  • Intentional: “I am sorry, I don’t see this progressing past friendship.”
  • Unintentional: (Time passing . . . cold shoulder . . . you stop calling . . .)

Ultimately, the unintentional guy’s responses are selfish because they put his interests before the woman’s, and they’re moreover cowardly because he avoids addressing where the relationship is, leaving the woman marooned in relationship limbo.

The man in the relationship should always have an answer for three questions:

  1. WHAT IS THIS RELATIONSHIP?

  2. WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS?

  3. HOW ARE YOU DEMONSTRATING THOSE INTENTIONS RIGHT NOW?

The big idea is this, men: Don’t keep her guessing. Let her know exactly where you are at all of the time. It is a risk of course, but better on you than her. Own it.

2. CLEAN YOUR ACT UP TODAY, NOT ‘WHEN’

You’ve probably heard some guy say this: “I will clean my act up when I find the right girl.” It’s not true. The lie is that once you find the right girl, all your problems will go away—you just need the right motivation, right? Wrong! If Jesus isn’t motivation enough to grow in maturity and pursue godliness, then you are not ready to pursue a woman.

The truth is that when you’re in a relationship, you get their crap on top of your crap. That’s double crap. It is hard to start a healthy relationship with two immature people drowning in crap. Men, get your life together first, know where you are going, then invite a girl to come along (Prov. 16:1–9).

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As surely as the sun will rise…

You’ll come.. Let your glory fall as you respond to me. Spirit rain, flood into my thirsty heart again.

I need this right now. My heart is way too burdened with the past and the shame and the sin and the depravity that I’ve known. He’s my only hope, my only sure comfort, my only true need. I’m lost without Him. I’ve got nothing—nothing to offer and nothing to gain. Please, Lord, don’t leave me in this place. Hear me, lest I be as those who have gone down into the pit. If You do not hear me from your throne, I’ll be crushed under the weight you bore on Calvary. If you don’t take it away, I won’t be able to bear it. I can hardly bear the memories…

Another great version I just found

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Tullian Tchividjian: Pastoral Practicality of Law-Gospel Theology

It’s been a hard few weeks at Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church. Pastor Tullian just posted a blog discussing what’s been going on. It’s gold.

The Pastoral Practicality of Law-Gospel Theology

Our church was recently hit with a high-ranking moral tragedy. It was discovered that a staff member (and close friend) was engaging in marital infidelity. I was both shocked and saddened. I didn’t see it coming. None of us did. Of all the crises I’ve faced and had to deal with over the last 17 years of pastoral ministry, this was a first for me. I have dealt on numerous occasions with husbands and wives in the throes of an extramarital affair, but never a staff member. Never someone this close to me. It’ll take me a long time to get over this one.

On top of having to deal with this on a very personal level, I had the weighty responsibility of leading our church through this. How do you handle something like this? What do you tell people? I reached out to a small handful of older, wiser, more seasoned friends of mine who are pastors that have lived and led through situations like this. Their help and counsel and encouragement and insight were indispensable life savers for me. What would I do without these men in my life?

One week after we discovered the affair, I had to stand up on my first Sunday back from vacation and tell our church what happened. I, of course, did not share much. I steered clear of details. I simply told our church that this man had been engaged in marital infidelity and the situation was such that it required him to be removed from his position. I shared with our church the detailed ways that we were caring for the families involved and communicated our long-term commitment to continue caring for the families involved. It was a tough morning for me. It was a tough morning for everybody. The hurt, the anger, the sadness, the confusion.

I preached from Gal 5:13 that morning, and among the things I emphasized and explained to our church was that we are not a one word community (law or gospel) but a two word community (law then gospel). A law-only community responds to a situation like this by calling for the guy’s head (sadly, many churches are guilty of this). These churches lick their chops at the opportunity to excommunicate. A gospel-only community responds by saying, “We’re no better than he is so why does he have to lose his job? After all, don’t we believe in grace and forgiveness?” A one word community simply doesn’t possess the biblical wisdom or theological resources to know how to deal with sinners in an honest, loving, and appropriate way.

Continue reading by clicking here

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Loving that hurts

How lonely sits the city
that was full of people!
How like a widow has she become,
she who was great among the nations!
She who was a princess among the provinces
has become a slave.
She weeps bitterly in the night,
with tears on her cheeks;
among all her lovers
she has none to comfort her;
all her friends have dealt treacherously with her;
they have become her enemies.
(Lamentations 1:1-2)

There’s a homeless woman that I’ve talked about in a few of my posts that I have gotten to know pretty well since I’ve been here at Coral Ridge. I haven’t had the chance to really talk to her in the past week or so because I’ve been so busy with everything, but I had the time today. And although I didn’t accomplish anything productive at work in terms of working on the proposal I’m doing or whatever else might have been on my plate today, I think that today was perhaps the most powerful day I’ve had the entire time I’ve been here.

I saw her sitting in the Outreach office so I went and sat with her and we just talked more about her life. For the life of me I haven’t come up with some kind of a plan to help get her on her feet. Everything just seems so insurmountable. How does one get from the point of sleeping on the streets to having enough of an income to be able to get into a house? And what the heck will happen to the 62 year old woman living on the streets who is never able to get into a home? What kind of an existence is that? And what do I do to make that happen?

I don’t have a solution for her, but I am terrified for the alternative. This sweet old woman only has so much fight in her, and I can see that fight fading from her even in the short time I’ve known her. And the thing is, I can’t just pretend that she’s not there. I can’t go to sleep in my bed anymore without knowing that she’s out there on the rainy summer streets of Ft. Lauderdale trying to find a place to rest her head for a few hours. I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me that I can’t seem to move past any of this, but I have the greatest suspicion that this is what we all should be feeling. I just can’t think that it’s okay that so many just seem to walk by her each day without really engaging with her.

But maybe I’m just the young idealist who doesn’t really have a grasp on the way the world works. On the other hand, I don’t want to be anything else than I already am because I’m in a place where I can’t bear to see things stay the way they are—not in her life, not in any life.

I was faced today with the horrifying realization, unlike any other time I’ve talked with her, that maybe there won’t be any solution found for her situation. Every other time we’ve talked I was almost annoyingly optimistic about the situation because I believe that God can do the impossible. I know that He can do whatever He pleases. He can turn anyone from a slave to a king in the span of a day. And it’s with that in mind that I saw her situation. Nothing and no one is too far gone for God to fix.

And yet, after walking with her the last two and a half months, I can’t shake the feeling after today that maybe she won’t be able to get on her feet. Maybe she will die on those harsh and unwelcoming streets all by herself—and when? In a month? A year? 5 years when she’s so beaten down with years of sleeping on pavement for a few hours a night?

And what can I do to stop that? She can’t come live with me in California—I don’t have the money to support even myself living alone at the moment. I have more desire to help than I know how to contain, and yet I don’t feel like I really have any options.

After we talked for a while in the office, we walked across the street to get lunch at the Olive Garden right across the way. We had a very angry waitress and ate fairly mediocre fettuccine alfredo, soup, and salad. But we talked for two hours while we were there. She asked me all these questions about my life, since it seems like I’ve only ever been asking her questions. I told her about my absurdly loving mother who seems to make friends everywhere she goes, the school I go to, my romantic hopes (she loved talking about romance, and she had some pretty insightful advice), where I grew up, what I hope for in the future.

I loved hearing all the things she had to say, and I was smiling the whole time.

In the end, I don’t have a clue what to do. I want to just be able to fix everything as I’ve said a million times before. But I have to believe that, no matter what happens, the opportunity I have been given to love this woman and show her that I truly love her just as she is must be worth it. And yet, even that seems to totally fall short. So what if I got to love her—if she dies on the street, it will all seem horribly insignificant.

And that’s the one thing I don’t know what to do with. What will there be left if, at the end of everything, I can’t really do anything to make her situation change? I know that’s not the attitude I ought to have. But, quite frankly, I’m sick of the patronizing platitudes of the church that don’t really seem to engage the true suffering we are faced with, whether it is our own suffering or the suffering of others. I’m glad I’m in a place where I don’t believe just loving her is enough. I’m glad that I’m in a place where I won’t ever believe that there isn’t more we could be doing. And my hope is that this anger and brokenness I feel will provide the kind of indignation that will lead me to truly sacrifice on behalf of other people.

I don’t know how this relationship is going to affect my life, but I know that if this were the only thing I had to confront as an intern here it would still have been the most powerful learning experience I’ve ever had. This woman has changed my life, and I don’t know where this leads next. My only prayer is that God starts to make sense out of all my confusion. I need Him to. I’m lost without Him.

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Preparation and success with a Sovereign God

 

I was talking with my friend Kaitlyn, who was an intern with me at Coral Ridge, about what I think is coming in the next year at school. I was telling her about things I am excited about, things I’m worried about, what I’m hopeful for, and what I’m scared about. It was a good talk, and she brought up a verse that I hadn’t thought of in a really long time: “The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the LORD” (Prov. 21:31). She told me that it sounds like I’ve done all I possibly could in preparation for the things that are coming, but that I must realize at the end of the day that the Lord’s will is going to be done.

This is both an encouraging and frightening prospect. On one hand it means that the Lord can bring about success and advancement even in the most dire circumstances. On the other hand, God’s sovereignty means that His will, if contrary to our own plans for our future, will lead us away from whatever it is we hope for no matter what preparation we may have made.

Either way it’s actually a good thing for us because we have a God who promises to work all things for the good of those who love Him (Rom. 8:28). He doesn’t let anything happen that he doesn’t want to have happen. And while that means we may not get what we want or believe is good, we always get ultimate good.

And, on the other hand, does not the Lord give our hearts and minds the urgings to seek out the things that He wants for us? Does He not transform us and change our desires to match His? In this sense, if the thing we are looking towards is consistent with God’s character and purpose for us, that thing may very well be the will of God. Not always, but it could be a good indicator.

All we can do is prepare for what we believe is God’s will and submit everything to Him, trusting that He will not abandon us. He will accomplish His will in our lives. And He loves us and wants good for us. He is delighted in His people who He has saved and called by name. That is an incredible reality.

 

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